Moonlight divider

It seems like i've largely been able to reconcile my internal world with my external one.

You know how everyone has an internal reality? Some conception of themselves they're striving for? Yeah, that idealized reality & the one in actuality are more often than not far apart. That very gap usually is responsible for a lot of people's pain. With that knowledge, I've made peace with myself. I've managed to come to terms with the fact that the hypothetical world in my head, one that has no sufferings, will never materialize.
Be that as it may I still spend an inappropriate amount of time every night looking up at the sky,  as though I'm waiting for someone to come for me.

Every time you get dressed, remember, if you die, that's your ghost outfit forever.

A few days ago, a friend of mine berated me for the lack of ghost sightings on my part. Due to the nature of my job, & in no small measure, its location, many expect me to have a ghost tale or two to share, but I disappoint them every single time.

When I started this job, as with many things in life, I was psyched at first, & then I overthought it & I became annoyed, & that's still where I'm at.

I've never been visited by any ghosts. In fact, I'm kind of offended that they haven't. I want to be the person who can tell a good ghost story, but I have none. I'm pretty bummed.

Do you know how many people in this world have seen ghosts? I don't. But at least 50 people I've spoken to have. So why haven't a ghost or ghoul ever tried to haunt me? I thought my chances would be boosted by the fact that I work six nights a week. However not even a playful ghost, like a Malay Casper, has shown itself to me yet.

Do i believe in ghosts?

I want to believe they exist, of course. I like to believe in anything outlandish & unrealistic. That said, I can't simply pass judgment based on stories told by others. It's like falling in love. Plenty of people have told me it's a remarkable thing. & then there's another handful who felt I should keep avoiding it. I haven't had the opportunity to experience romantic love therefore I'm not sure if it even exists. It's the same principle. I have to undergo it, all aspects of it, myself.

I just need that one encounter to keep the faith alive. Maybe witness a door slamming on its own, or a toilet flushing itself, or lost twins standing together at the opposite end of a darkened corridor, or worse, the TV coming on by itself & the volume being cranked onto a Taylor Swift music video. These are all very unoriginal fears.

These days the very subject of ghosts has been my conversation starter.
It’s a remarkably effective, terrible ice breaker. Sometimes I use it incorrectly, I don’t know how to act around humans you see, & a group of people will be talking & I’ll walk up & be like, "yo! how’s everyone doing? You ever seen a ghost?" Yes, I'm aware, that sounds like I'm the ghost, & if you haven't seen one, you have now. They usually disperse instantaneously for some reason.

Why don't ghosts fall through the earth?

I read once that if a ghost concentrates very hard they can kick a can down a train platform. Wait a minute. Now that I think about it, I guess I didn't actually read that. What I did was I saw that in a movie called Ghosts starring the late Patrick swayze decades ago.

My dad used to own the movie Poltergeist. The supernatural horror classic kept me up all night when I was a kid, & it kept me up all night as a childlike adult when I rewatched it about fifteen years ago. That said I don't know if it holds up now. Plus I'm more into psychological horror these days. & I get my fill from video games. Silent hill 2, what a masterpiece. I'm not exactly excited for the movie adaptation coming out January next year because I think they'll butcher it. Call me a skeptic but I'm not confident they can cram 8 hours worth of story into a 90 minute movie. I told myself I wouldn't watch any other horror game movie adaptations after the trainwreck that is Resident Evil: Welcome to Raccoon City. Such audacity to mash two video games worth of content into one movie & then wonder why fans hated it.

The only consolation is it has only been eight months since I started working at the haunted site. Maybe those weightless dwellers might start appearing soon, after Halloween. If they're up for it, we can even party together. But I'm not holding my breath. Back in 2006, me & three other friends went for a night visit to the infamous old changi hospital. A group we met along the way stated we shouldn't enter with just four people because 'four' translates to 'die' in Mandarin. Now I'm not a superstitious freak, so too my friends. We were unfazed, so we ignored the stranger's advice & went in to explore regardless. I didn't encounter any ghosts that night, but I did die inside a little. I wasted time & money just to saunter about in a dark & dusty shithole, & had nothing to show for it. Since then whenever anyone in my life would propose for a night adventure, I'd shoot those plans down immediately.

Contrary to popular belief, I am not discouraged. I still nod & smile at empty places just to confuse any ghosts that might be there into thinking i can see them. Who knows, one day, a ghost might call me out for being a poser & give me an earful. & When that happens I'll be sure to document every minute of it. I wouldn't be too upset if the ghost were violent & turned me into a ghost as well. I've always hoped to live an existence that allows me to remember my death. Though if I became a ghost I'd probably get myself permanently stuck in a random obstacle during my first few seconds of freedom.

When I told an acquaintance regarding my immediate plans, he praised me for my positive attitude. "Now that's the spirit!" he responded. & I was like, "holy crud! Where?!"

All things are within the wheel of fate after all.