Wooo

It's that time of the year again. The time when we sit & simply blast Justin Bieber's Christmas album on repeat 8 hours daily, for 6 days straight. Oh, have you heard? Everyone you love in entertainment is a sexual degenerate. Turns out Michael Jackson was the least creepy man in show business. The other thing, self pleasuring in front of women? How? I don't even have the courage to ask the women I like for dates. I go to great lengths so women will never see my genitals. Not even my future wife will have this honor, no exceptions. Honestly, what is wrong with men these days? Here's their standard move according to most of the women who have come out. "Look, I'm going to get in the shower & i want you to watch me nude." Listen, I'm a man, in case you didn't know. Yea. So if you saw me naked, you'd throw up. There is no woman on this planet that wants to see me naked, & is going to get aroused. It's illogical. What is up with the...

I lost my favorite red hat. The same one I wore to my first ever job interview in two-oh-oh-six. This was about the time when I spent three whole hours perusing articles about the difference between a kangaroo & a wallaby. Australia is a sorcerous, reverse land where the toilets flush backwards & vegemite sandwiches are hotcakes. Vegemite smells musky like a deer's underbelly. Very appetizing. Speaking of stupid animals, I went to the zoo two days ago. I spoke to all kinds of bears, monkeys, sloths, & cats. I even helped the zookeeper clean the cheetahs. They're spotless now. I have a soft spot for animals, especially ones that look like they need a hug. All day, in my head, I heard, 'I want one. Can I have one? Let’s get one.' I really wish I could. But I already have my pet garden gnome which walks around with me wherever I go. Many are clueless about this but I do my best to make up for the animals missing in my life by pretending to be one myself. I’ve a...

Other Possible Titles for todays entry: Daze Off Happy Daze Blown by the River Lost in Time Someone asked me sweetly last week about posting a new journal entry. It's been more than a month I was astonishingly informed. My reply to them was that my life has been so overwhelmingly joyous that to write it down makes it feel so small! "Smiling tricks your brain into thinking it is happy," he implied. "Happiness is an emotional state, a feeling. Feelings are fleeting. No one is truly ever happy." & all I did was ask, "why did you get your wife a gift for Father’s Day?" I used to be a throw, without seams, a silk cocoon of happy dreams. Now I'm a quilt, no square the same, a patchwork of agony & distress. Ernest Hemingway once said, “Happiness in intelligent people is the rarest thing I know.” What did he mean by this, that smart people are mostly miserable? Well research has indicated that by not over-thinking, the less intelligent handle emoti...

On Monday, a total solar eclipse will cross the entire United States for the first time in 38 years. I envy the US for many reasons. Add this to that list. It's as though everything exciting only happens there. I hope every American knows how lucky they are, & watches this unique natural phenomenon. I feel like the cosmos get less & less attention these days. Well, people are people. They forget to look up. Some haven't looked up from their phones in months. Of course, when I said watch, I didn't mean to literally watch it. I meant you should experience it properly, give it the attention it deserves. It's not actually impossible to look directly at the sun during the solar eclipse, but you'll need eclipse glasses. Otherwise, the high intensity visible light emitted will burn your retinas. The radiation literally cooks your eyes like eggs. You'll become blind. So what is a total solar eclipse? Why am I hyping it up like it's Star Wars The last Jedi? W...

So there I was in my recliner reading the daily mail like a 60 year old retiree, & opening one very peculiar package. This is the part of the story I wish I could build you up, but, to be honest, I don’t recall much about what happened before I opened the package. I only remember what was inside. There was even a poem written on the back of the envelope with no author, just the numbers 1-9-4-5. That could either be a year or the combination to a secret safe that contained millions of dollars. I'm guessing it's the former because as I'm writing this, I'm still not worth millions. I didn’t even manage to save the poem, which I forced myself to assume was about surrendering. If you could ever believe such a story, the only thing inside the box, the sole content, was a shiny, brand new single pair of fingernail clippers. It was forged from a single piece of steel by renowned Japanese clippersmith, Majima. I'm honestly not making this up, but if all of this sounds to...

I like the night. Without the dark, we'd never see the stars. It's been made known to me that the act of wishing upon a star is ridiculously dumb. Mainly because according to astronomy, all the stars are dead. When you wish upon a star, you're actually a few million years late. Also, stars are just a ball of gas & fire that explodes with light. Your wishes will never come true. That should be quite apparent. Be that as it may, it is fun. It's a much more enjoyable practice than 11:11 or blowing out the candles on a birthday cake. None of my wishes have ever come true, what does it matter how I make my wishes? Maybe, you can't wish upon just about any random stars. Maybe, it only works with shooting stars. Did you know, the Greeks actually believed that shooting stars represented falling human souls, & it was lucky to make a wish on them. I know, it sounds preposterous. But, the Greeks also invented democracy, so let's not be too critical of them. Back th...

I like that I'm writing again. I feel like I've been putting off posting a blog, or everything else for so long, for another day, & that day will never come. Procrastination was my topic when I sat down to write today. To beat procrastination, I knew I had to look it in the eye, examine its caliber & understand where it comes from. & while I had hoped to create something quick & funny about anything random & our history of unfinished business, I’m finding the process cathartic & insults difficult. According to my own review, my father & his dad before him weren’t lazy men at all. In fact, they worked harder than I might ever work in my life. Now who or what should I account my truancy on? Myself, maybe? I think I’ve been putting off writing to the public because I feel that my sentences as of late have been scatterbrained & incomplete. But now it’s done. I’ve written & posted something. Spoken like a true procrastinator who’s always proud to ...

One impossible day, I was avoiding the easy task of letting go while arguing with the demons in my head in an effort to feel love, worth, to have my intuitions confirmed that the kind of life that I'm leading is of value. I had always been a troubadour who relied on signs & coincidences to satisfy the mystic in my mind, & on this particular day after yet another unsatisfying week, what I needed most was a sign. This was a few days ago, on the holiday of labor, while playing football. I conceded what you would call a bizarre goal while on goalkeeper duty. I didn't realize the ball had gone past me & into goal. It was a pretty tame shot to let in according to my teammates, who never stopped to remind me even after the whole session. It was peculiar because I had no memory of it. Even now I can't remember much of it. All I could recall is that I was far away, lost in thought. I didn't try to tell them that, but I think it was obvious. I was just thinking of a f...