Wooo

This is a continuation of the "true" bits of trash post. If you haven't read the first installment of the celebrity magazine style stories franchise, go here. 2012 Star Awards: "Mind the Freak." Wangibraltar sneaks into the red carpet event & introduces himself to actor/comedian Adrian Pang. Adrian is bewildered by the sudden appearance of this lesser known human being but, being the chatterbox he is, proceeds to converse with Wan anyway. The two talk about being underdressed for the event. Adrian, sporting his Khaki “USA” branded Bermudas, jacket & matching hat, provides Wan with the latest on what’s hot & what’s not! “You should NEVER, EVER get dressed for the occasion,” says fashionista Pang. Wan, who is wearing a wife beater, yoga pants, crocs & a pair of triple eyeglasses, gleefully nods in agreement. Mr Pang invites Wan & his publicist escort onto his limo after the gala. No comment could be made by either comedian about the private mee...

Here are some things i would do if I WERE a Cardboard Cutout: 1) I'd slide under the door of the girl's locker rooms to remind them to conserve water while brushing their teeth. 2) I could probably read the newspaper without ever opening it. 3) I'd be most curious as to how I was going to handle waste elimination. 4) I could no longer attend Yoga class. Instead, I would go to Origami class. 5) I'd use a marker & draw myself a better looking face. 6) My wardrobe would probably include cardboard sleeves from Starbucks. 7) I'd probably sound like a balloon or blade of grass when I spoke. 8) I'd attend more social gatherings as it'd be easier for everyone since I bring absolutely no memorable substance to these events. I sometimes don't move at all so they might as well invite a cardboard cutout of myself. This life-sized duplicate won't even tell jokes no one laughs at. 9) Rather than burial, when i kick it, I'd be recycled. & that's pre...

Dr. Wan was what they called me when I worked at a day care center for about a month during my school holidays of 2-10. It was called Almost Angels Day care center. To me that name sounded more like it's a place for kids who were almost dead. I couldn’t handle that kind of pressure. So i went AWOL one day, leaving the kids unsupervised & alone, & ran home. What am I doing? I’ve been sitting on the couch for way too long. I think my butt cheeks have finally grown together. I knew this would happen. It feels like I do when I sit on the comfort of your strangeness. I have been working on a fiction novel. It's a story I've always wanted to share. It's been months & it's still nowhere near completion. The whole story is in my head but the problem is every time I sit down to type, my mind begins to wander. I think about a thousand & one things. Everything but the story I'm writing. I could literally be sitting in an empty room & still be distracted...

A few days ago, I came a cross a site that was selling the vintage Nokia N70 phone. It stated that all the phones were in working condition & refurbished in urban style. They were selling at forty dollars apiece, & I was tempted to get myself one but realized I really didn't need two phones since i barely even get calls or text messages these days. Having two cellphones would make me look like i lead a packed social life. You know, the kind that needs to be scheduled down to the minute. "Hello? Yes, speak to me. Okay, I'll be there in 13 minutes time. Latest 1458 hours." I might as well be wearing a Bluetooth headset too. Let's take a stroll down memory lane. Remember the days when texting wasn't as easy? You sort of had to work for it. You had to really want it? You need an 'S'? You better click that '7' button FOUR TIMES. I imagine my future grandchildren would shriek in horror when I tell them about this. I really miss those times. I...

Love is blinding when your timing's never right... Oh but who am I to beg for difference... Finding love in a distant instant... But I don't mind... Oh love at least I tried, well I tried... Or do I? & did I actually try? Monosyllabling is in my blood. It's kind off a problem but hopefully one you will come to find endearing. People have told me that I can be ambitious at times. Overly ambitious even. If you don't believe me, just ask some of the guys I play soccer with every Sunday. These guys have seen me play through-balls so ambitious that they applied for Cambridge & Oxford & refused to select back-up universities. Well, it turns out I didn't have it in me after all. All I had to do was muster every ounce of the courage in me, but it was too much to ask for. I could do pretty much anything that would cost me my life without even thinking for a second but not this simple & plebeian task of exchanging a few lines with the girl I fancy. I'm pat...

Hi. This is as good a paragraph starter as any. Tonight I might see her. That's about it. That is all this entry is about. I'm very certain that her team will be on shift at the time of my report. Unimpeachable. It's unbelievable isn't it? What astonishes me isn't how for once "unbelievable" is put in such a context, as in a good way & not bad, but because the working days for that particular team is still etched in my mind. That's just weird, creepy & boundary crossing, which is normal when it comes to me. Oh & for your info, the reporting time is conveniently at four in the morning. I was just told about this deployment six hours ago. I mean it's fine for me since I haven't slept at night in months. The only problem I'll face is staying awake when the sun comes up. It has been raining uv-rays these past few days, & I've been known to drift away spiritually in the desert heat. It was such an arduous task to live up to e...

I once had a thousand desires but in my one desire to know her, all the rest melted away. Now, that is entirely gone, & I'm feeling like an empty shell. Honestly speaking, i have no reason whatsoever to be here anymore. I waited, wanting this world to let me in. I ended up just standing there, a frozen light in the dark & empty street. But seeing as I have learned to embrace my fate, to sit through & experience the insurmountable certainty of universal doom, I decided not to lament about it. I guess if you had desires in your head, & had to work to gain those desires, life would be simpler. But I just don't anymore. I'm not even sure if I should be glad or sad about this. Additionally, I don't follow through with what I say. Look at me lamenting for one whole paragraph, a few seconds after promising i wouldn't. I don't believe I know what I'm in for. Perhaps a spark in the heart lit a fire on the road from the leaking gas in the bus that i to...