Wooo

So where do i go now? I'm directionless somehow. I'm practically dishevelled. I'm still coming to terms with the fact that the world did not end on the 21st. I was certain it would. It was like banking on Germany to lift the euro 2012 trophy only for them to be eliminated by Italy in the semi final. The heartbreaking feeling felt similar. & now, were just minutes away from beginning a new year that is 2013. I never imagined, in these last 6 years, we'd get this far. I still remember New Year's Eve of 2006. Even when the members of my group reduced with every passing minutes, we continued to roam town with the verve of a newly appointed mafia leader. I miss the old me. I miss having the guts to face any sort of challenge in life. At that period, I was actually still reeling over the conclusion that the world was supposedly coming to an end on the 21st of December 2012. But it was only on that particular night when I made myself forget about everything & do...

I hate who I've become. I'm a damn smoker. & now, I'm turning into a drinker. I'm not sure what is wrong with me. I wasn't even a passive smoker a few months ago. Yes, I would stop my oxygen intake whenever there were smokers around & then strafe away to a non affected area where I would inhale as much O2 as I could before I die from the lack of it. I'm picking up where I left off last year now. I had actually gone months without breathing narcotine into my system before I was enlisted. That was before I fell into the deep slumbers of you know what. You know, those butterflies you get whenever you're near someone special. Yep, I don't know what it is anymore. I actually never knew. But what I do know is I don't do stuff without a good reason. For this, I think all I'm trying to do is contain the sadness inside of me. I know I said this is a new beginning. The dawn of a new era. But I've never been known to practice what I preach. I...

My blog page hasn't been updated in a while. That's the reason why you see useless widgets of the expired kind. The layout & the background, I never did tamper with them. When I started out, it was like that. I know, they're hideous. But i don't care. Because the content is all that matters. Now, that aforementioned point is open to all sorts of interpretation. But I apply it to bitches & whores.The reason? Simple. What looks good outside is often not as good on the inside. Whores around the world could dress themselves as dolls & I would still label them as whores as long as they give me the perception they're only looking for guys for money. They don't care about giving themselves in return for cash or all the branded products they can have. That's pathetic. & I used think my life was pathetic, imagine that. You might have noticed, I'm updating regularly again. I'm rediscovering my love for writing. Quite rightly so since the worl...

I think most of you have the wrong perception of me. It's true, I can't blame you for jumping to that conclusion. Especially since it was me who portrayed myself to be apathetic & detached. Let me assure you, I am not like that at all. I was, WAS being the operative word there, like that only because I thought the world was gonna end in 2012. I was 17. I was juvenile, naive & handsome. I mean awesome, sorry. After reading the article six years ago, I was left distraught. That was coupled by the heartbreaking event which happened a few days before. Combine them together & you'd get the perfect recipe for self-mutilation. But I never considered that. I was stronger than most of the weak kids of this generation. So I decided to waste my life away. What a decision. How impressive was I? Immeasurably fantastic I presume. Truth be told, I just felt that it would be pointless to go on with life with enthusiasm & vim since I know it won't get me anywhere. Hone...

Hello people. We meet again. For one last time. I know. I sincerely apologize for leaving you guys hanging all these while. You see, I've been too busy to update. But I am finding time to craft this last entry. As we speak, I'm actually coming up with a plan to escape the apocalypse, if it happens. Today is supposedly the end of time according to the Mayans. I know. I've been looking forward to this very moment ever since I first read about it 6 years ago. That was when I decided to give up on life & just dwell along with time as it passes. Whether or not that was the right decision is still unknown to me. Or for the whole human population actually. Only God knows. If you still didn't know, in which case you deserve to die today, the mayan dudes foresaw something happening on the 21st of December 2012. That was why they decided to end the calendar we are using right now. I believe they came up with it like 5125 years ago. From what I read, they were a tribe which ...

I haven't been updating my blog as regularly as I wish too. I just haven't had the time. I know nobody reads these nonsense that I write but I do. I would browse through my blog annually to see the progress I've made in this sad life. Without fail though, for the last 4 years, I've been disappointed. I feel that I've been let down by myself. I'm used to people letting me down. I'm practically immune to it. But when it's me letting me down, I have absolutely no idea what to do. I would feel distraught. The one thing that keeps me going is hope. Although for very long now, it hasn't given me much to write home about. Well to hell with that. There are only 43 days left. I'll do whatever I feel like doing. I'll go to hell anyways. So, what are a few more bad shits. Just a few hundred more years added to the few thousands I'm already getting. The universe should be glad. I decided not to leave on a high note. So no massacres. All I feel like...

I don't know why I even tried. But I've made my mind up. It's time to let her go. & bow out of the game. A game I never was good at. A game I never considered a game. I guess she'll never know. How she was my light at the end of the tunnel. The hope that kept me going. She'll never know the effort it took for me to learn her name. & how more than a year ago, when I first knew of her existence, I thought she was really special. She'll never know these words plus the 3000 odd more that I wrote in an attempt to make her understand. I wrote a frigging letter! Which she never got. Maybe it's not meant to be. We're just not fated. Even though that, I wish I knew the reason why she just decided to ignore me. Perhaps one fine morning, she woke up &, I don't know, maybe thought "this guy ain't worth my time." She is right. All I wanted was to meet her, talk to her, share her burden & care for her. I wanna experience that prett...

It's hari raya today. Well, I wouldn't have guessed. With all the hype leading up to this day. Now, it's the 23rd time i'm celebrating this event. Things haven't exactly changed. It's still as overrated as ever. Maybe it's just me. I haven't felt a tinge of excitement over anything in a long time. I think the last time was 6 years ago when I first received news from my Chinese buddy. That he had ways to get the girl's number. That was a life changing arc of this life. But it wasn't just that. Disappointment at that period of time made me believe the article I read about 2012. Let's just forget about it. I'm sounding like a broken record. All I do these days is think about that. So I'm happy with this years raya. It spawns a holiday for me. Which means a day off. Yay. That itself sure is more exciting than the holiday. You wouldn't know though from the tone of my words. How is it possible for my words to have tones? I'm bein...

Haven't crafted an entry in awhile. Been on hiatus as I've been quite busy. But, it's already august now. How fast time flies. Here's a little quick update. Before we start, I just wanna clear the air. People have been telling me, the past few posts have been serious ones. They're wondering where the comedic & sarcastic bastard went. I can only say, that was the past. I'm a totally different person now. It happens with age. I'm very much the mature dude now. At last, I know. Yay! Tomorrow, I'll be down for an interview. If you didn't know, I've been stuck choosing a career path these past few years. It's now down to these two. It's between justice upholding and music playing. As you all probably know, I'm an ardent fan & a firm believer of justice. I believe there still is justice left in this world. I wanna prove to those non-believers. The only way is to join the homicide team. Having said that, just because I'm shortlis...

I remember spidey's words as though he told me yesterday. Although I did forget about it for a few years & only recalled it after watching spiderman 2 recently. He asked himself, "am I not supposed to have what I want?" More inspiring words were said in the movie. "Everybody loves a hero. People line up for them, cheer them, scream their names. And years later, they'll tell how they stood in the rain for hours just to get a glimpse of the one who taught them how to hold on a second longer." Those were from aunt may. To be honest, I'd gladly sacrifice my own happiness to be a hero in peoples eyes. I'm not even talking about popularity. Just recognition. For my contribution to the community in making a difference. Now, I have to choose my path. Music or crime fighting. Im not sure if my music will be good enough spread all over the world. My message is always the same. Love. It's ironic though. A loser in lover preaching to other about the very...

People always get pissed whenever I tell them stuff. But I don't blame them. The truth hurts. They'll get defensive & all to shield themselves from the truth but I just know. I've read human psychology books. They can't handle the truth. Rich & vain bitches are like that. I had a great time with my family. The chalet stay was just what I needed to get away from it all. Too bad it was only 4 days. I'd like to disappear forever if possible. I'd love to prove that impossible is nothing but I'll just get into more trouble. As a firm believer of justice, I do not resort to revenge. Or violence even. If I feel that I've been convicted or accused wrongly, all I'll do is pray to God. He knows it all. Humans are too stupid. Their ego is what prevents them from achieving greatness. God does not have that. Therefore, He is great. I know for a fact that the good die young while the evil stays free. But I also do know there is heaven & there is hell. ...

I'd like to apologize to the citizens here. I have disappointed them I feel. With this, I don't think I'll be able to continue as a law enforcer. I was suppose to be God's messenger of truth, the delivery system of honesty. I had ambitions on becoming a detective. I wanna be the one to prove everyone that there is still justice left in this world. Homicide cases & vice cases, those on the run & those who are framed. Looks like Singapore won't be having a taste of the justice upholder. Sorry again country. Perhaps I'll migrate in the future & find an opportunity with other countries. Their police force ain't as impeccable but it'll still be a worthy experience. I might even die especially if I work for the American's force but that'll just add more thrill to my job. Of course the criminals here are considered amateurs & the chances of death is pretty low but yeah, not challenging enough. I can't even think of a notable crim...

Just like casey Anthony, I am currently now implicated in a case I would label 'miscarriage of justice'. The difference is that I'm not in the wrong. Casey Anthony got away with murdering her two year old baby. I am charged just because an asshole used my words against me. It's like that when you're working for the government. As a government servant, its only natural for people to find fault against you. Yes. Even though you're flawless. I'm not afraid actually. I'm not in the wrong. But I have to say, the law is becoming quite ridiculous. To fight law, you need to use their own words against them. You gotta go at them word for word. There's a loophole in every one of the laws. That's why criminals get away scot-free. OJ Simpson, to name one. The flaw in the legal system is obvious. Yet nothing is being done. We need someone to change that. Recently, we had a case of a young artist vandalizing the streets. She is looking at 3 years if I...

There was once when I thought my life was over. I was balding & I thought I had cancer. Even if I didn't have cancer, being bald at the age of 19 would end all hopes of snagging a girlfriend. It wouldn't matter if I had cancer because I would die sooner or later but if it was a hair disease, my scalp would be a platform for ultra-violet rays to shine on for the rest of my life. That would seriously suck. Especially when people make exclamations like, "what a shine!" Wigs are quite a solution although not so for the monsoon season. It'll be a good workout getting it out of a tree. Be thankful if it hasn't been inhabited by mynas or pigeons. By end of may 2008, I had a very obvious bald spot at the back of my head. I had to wear a hat wherever I go. In class, the teachers would question me. I didn't know what to say nor do I know what to do. I didn't tell anyone. If I was fated to die, I'd rather die secretly & alone. On one fateful day, my g...

What if life is just a dream? Wow. I can ponder on that for hours. Or years. I didn't know death can be so peaceful. I think I'm dead. Inside. But it isn't as peaceful. I guess I really need to die mentally & spiritually too in order for that to happen. I recently crafted a new song to commemorate another failure. That's one more added to the growing list. So far, it's total up to 3926. Rest assure that this won't be the end. By my life's end, I will accumulate 200,000 more. If I'm lucky, I'll just add 150 more by world's end. That is if this world ends on the 21st of December. Luck has never been in my side, just to let you know. I can see people celebrating already. The world isn't gonna end since nothing goes my way. Faggots. People doubt my ability to write. I admit, they have every right to. But I don't care. Nobody gives a damn about your opinion. I, for one, never cared about what others say. Even more so when the words come fr...

Some people just don't learn do they? Regrets doing something in the past but continues doing something that leads to that something. Yeah not much people understand what I'm trying to say. But if you do, then you're not one of them mongrels I just mentioned. Or that person. You should very well know who you are. Bitch. Regrets are part & parcel of human existence. Who doesn't have them? Humans aren't perfect. We make mistakes. Which is why regrets exist. This would be the 1209th time I'm stating this. But it's fine. I don't mind sounding like a broken record if it means helping people. Especially mindless ones. So I was asked the other day. If i can control the space/time continuum & go back in time, what would i change from my past? That is a very good question indeed. Sounds better the 205th time I heard it. It's been years though since someone asked me that. So, unlike the 204 times when I said I'd go back & change the way 'ou...

I don't see a difference really. If you do everything with your girlfriend when you're not married, what's the difference when you get married? Might as well not get married at all. If you practically stay with her going against your mum & dad's will, it would be the same as cohabiting when you guys tie the knot. I'm not discouraging you. It's just stupid. The excitement would be gone. It takes everything out of marriage when you do everything a couple should do after marriage before marriage. Get it? No? Well let me break it down to you. Don't move too fast. It's totally fine to sleep with your 2 month old girlfriend on the same bed in your room. But you'll get tired of it before you two even get hitched. In a sense, I'm encouraging you. Know when too much is, well, too much. Obviously, that's only one of the many downsides. Getting bored is one thing. So slow down. But do note that true love exists. There are still the faithful type her...

From her. Theoretically. Not physically because we're so close. Singapore is so damn small, I'll only get that far in my dreams. But wait. In my dreams, she'd always be 57 millimeters away from me. That's the distance between a boy & a girl when they hold hands. I did my homework. & measured. I'm telling you, I make more sense in a sentence than your average football team captain does in 4 years of school. I'm kinda distraught at the moment though. It's only just April & I'm wishing for the year to end. The problem is, I'm not even sure if we'll make it through December 31st this year. But whatever. I recently learned quite a few things that are both frightening & shocking. Remember how I said there is hope still for this whirlwind world? Yeah. I think I've lost faith in it. That was barely two months ago! I've been curious over the reasons a person chooses the career of being a policeman. Or policewoman. The answers I...

I don't have anything against earth hour. I mean the one who thought it up is quite a considerate bastard. But really, if you were to off the master switch in your house & sit on the sofa for an hour in the dark, would that make you a savior? How bout the other 364 days when you light up a cigarette every hour & contribute to air pollution? My mistake. The aforementioned person may even be smoking right now in the dark as we speak. To get through the hour. Smart ass. My opinion is that if they wanna make such a thing, they might as well have strict rules to go with it. How bout they make it compulsory? & whoever breaks it is considered to break the law. Jail time? We're on fire! We shall make it a whole day event. Like Vesak day or labor day. We'll turn it into a public holiday then. But no one is allowed outside. Indoors all the way. No cars running outside, peace & energy saving. The world runs on fossil fuel. It's dumb. There'll be a problem thoug...

I don't know why some people like to make a big fuss over small things. I like to take a day off a week. It makes my working week shorter. My colleagues though seem to think it's best to leave the leaves now & clear them off at the end of the year. Who's got time for that sort of thing? It's too orthodox. I know for sure that the regular workers would do that. Which is why we shouldn't do it too. Imagine coming to work when your supervisor isn't around for a whole month. I get happy already when he isn't around for a day. That is one of the reason. The other is I'm too lazy. I did not get the posting I wanted. They gave me a stupid office boy vocation which only weaklings do. That puts me in the same bracket as them doesn't it? Dang. But to hell with that. Since the new year, I've only completed a whole 5 day week of perfect attendance twice. For the other 10 weeks, it's either leave or mc. Sometimes, you just don't have a choice. Whe...

I feel that not many understand me. It's either because they're brainless fucks or I simply don't give them a chance to. Either way, it's fine. Because, at the end of the day, I still am happy. Whhatt? Setbacks are all part & parcel of life. I'm pretty much use to then. Yeah. I'm practically immune to them. They can never be significant enough to bring me down. I'm too resolute. Speaking of resolute, I kinda gave up actually. On writing a post in malay language. Is it tough or what? Shit! I'm turning into a typical malay! I never thought it'll be this hard. That's the product of not writing Malay essays in 6 years. Damn. But why in the world would I do that, you may ask? You don't have to ask you know. Naturally, i would explain all my actions without being questioned. I'm a good source for an interview. That much you cannot doubt. Well anyways, I had a debate with my good buddy. It's not much of a debate actually. Because I didn...

I know you're disappointed but hey, I'm as disappointed as you are. For not being as disappointed as I am. The game of Love is like a game of chess. You make a wrong move & it's over. Patience is the key. I speak like an expert. It's probably because I am. I've been through too many failures to not be labeled a pro in love. I am what you would call a veteran. Bags of experience. From making the same mistakes over & over & over again. That's just a clever word to disguise how stupid you are & make yourself sound great in the process. It's like killing two zombies with one barrel shotgun shot. It's not easy making the wrong move all the time. It takes special talent & careful contemplating. It's a little gift I got since I turned 17. Not sure how it came but yea there's nothing I can do about it. Who in their right mind would make such a decision as this? This girl has a boyfriend. I confessed I like her after managing to bef...

Someone once told me, to smile always for it is the key to the gate of success. I listened to him. I smiled everyday. I smiled even when the chips were down or when my parade was rained on. One day, I came to realize. What the hell was I smiling for? If a car was speeding & heading towards my direction, should I still smile? Will that particular smile save me? Unless you tell me I have a bionic smile. It would produce radioactive waves that could crush the car. If not, I'd be flapjacks. Remains to be seen though whether I'd still be wearing a smile in my grave. So then, who put the padlock on the gate? I have two free passes to night safari for this Friday yet it's gonna go to waste. My buddy has someone to go with. I don't. Well what's new? Same old story. Just a new chapter to add on. In addition, I also won 2 tickets to a movie I haven't heard of. Again, I won't be using them. Which reminds me. I gotta ask myself this question. Why the heck did I eve...

The moment was upon us. All I had to do was ask. & I did everything but that. *shaves head with a chisel* The problem with me is that I'm not good with crowds. I think my fondest memory of dealing with a crowd is when I shouted my 'technical difficulties' line back when I was working at uss. I'm okay with shouting at a crowd of strangers. Because I leave an everlasting effect that's probably long enough to beat a prostitute's one night stay in the hotel with you. Impression counts no matter what you say. The impression I leave is what you would call insignificant. Therefore, there'll never be a problem. A friend's impression of you though stays for quite sometime. Actually, the period depends on whether that person is really your friend. You know what they say, 'keep your enemies close but your friends closer.' Anyways, it doesn't really applies to me because nobody would be patient enough to wanna hang around for second. So I don't r...

I don't care actually if you think I'm not good enough. What matters is I'm happy. If I'm unhappy, there's only gonna be one outcome. We'll be going outside. & no, it's not gonna be for ice cream. I'll let your teeth feel some knuckle cracking action. I'll cover it up by saying, "He headbutted my fist with his mouth. I am the victim of a mouthbutting." Yes. I can't be held responsible for that. You will. My poor fist. For some reason, I still enjoy writing songs. I'm not good at it. I probably never will be. I am as good at English and poetry as a hobo is at planning his household groceries for the month. It's sad but that is life. Nothing goes the way you want it to. But as I said, I won't bother about what people say. I will continue composing as long as there is life in me. If somehow one day, someone loves my songs & decides to sing it, I will humbly accept my royalty payments. Not that it matters. I prefer my ...

I literally rubbed shoulders with her. Wish I could rub more than just that. See. I knew you guys have a perverted mind. I just want to rub our hands together & create sparks. Now that does not make sense. To those non believers. From today onwards, I have vowed not break any sweat anymore. I'm gonna stop looking for her. It's simple. All these while I've been looking for her to no avail. What are the odds of me finding her in these next few months? Exactly. I'd sooner find myself mammoths in Singapore's jungles. But hey, that does not mean I've given up hope. I know she's out there somewhere. She may be hiding. She may even be right under my nose. That's the shitty part. My conscience is clear though. The more I want something, the less chance I'll get it. I'll just let nature takes it's course. As long as it doesn't take 10 months. We only have like 9 months odd left. Please God help me? What made me come to my senses? These two mov...

As you can see, I never fail to not write on valentines day. No, it's not that I'm too busy celebrating it. It's just that I am too busy not celebrating it. Who the heck is valentine anyways? His name sounds like some italian gigolo or pervert. No offense at all. I'm sure he wouldn't take it to heart. He's a lover. He spreads love. Along with love, he spreads STDs too. So, beware. No, don't misjudge me. I'm not putting down the man just because I didn't have a valentines date last night. It's true, I've never had a valentines date before. But it's only because I'm too busy minding my own stuff. Besides, valentines is stupid. It doesn't produce an off day, like a holiday should, for us working class heroes. So we shouldn't care too much about it. Or at all. If you love someone, it shouldn't depend on the day or which day of the week. It should be everyday. Therefore, valentines day is as redundant as burger stands in a fas...

Girls always misinterpret my actions. When I ignore them, it doesn't mean I don't want to talk to them. It's just that i don't want to see their faces. But since they are already there & they just won't get out of my face, I'll have no choice but to reciprocate when they start to talk to me. Here's another popular misconception. I would usually answer them with dead end answers. That's correct. I always leave them wondering what to say next. Again, it's not that I don't like to talk to them. Yes. I love talking to girls. Especially when they do all the talking. Sorry. I mean, I just like to have the last say. & usually I win. Because they never talk me again. It that even winning then? Who cares??! Everyone I know has the same perception of me. They say I'm a useless piece of trash. I'll never amount to anything. They even say that associating me with trash is an insult to trash. That's because of this saying. "One man...